And on we wait... (updated at bottom)

... still no court date given for our little girl.  In just a few days, it'll be a month since I first saw her face. In that time she's gotten older, and I have definitely aged, too-  this process.. wow... never for the faint of heart.

So, let's break it down-

Jan 20th: referral (finally!!)
Jan 21st: suddenly I need a NEW, notarized proof of birth to comply with a new rule in Ethiopia
*I also drive 2 hours to accept my referral*
Jan 22nd: My dossier extension expires which, while fine for Canada b/c my rewferral came in already , is NOT fine for Ethiopia, so the update must be filed
Jan 25th- Homestudy update submitted by my new AP (but there are some errors, so back it goes for correction)
About 4 days later: Edited HS update submitted and off it goes to the Ministry
About a week later: my agency gets word that the Ministry approves, and to go ahead with a new Statutory Declaration, I fill this out, and send in the $282 to cover it
The next day: I am told it will now be about 2 weeks to authenticate, then everything goes to Ethiopia, where it could be up to 4 weeks to get a file number for a court date.  We pray. A. LOT.
About 8 days later: a bomb is dropped- our agency is merging with another smaller, but established agency in Toronto. The current staff is not being absorbed b/c of travel distance.  Ripples of fear as many of us have "bankruptcy" flashbacks from 2009 and wonder if our adoptions are indeed "safe"
About 2 days later: It is known that a number of families, in Ethiopia and poised to hear good news, didn't pass court. The problem? ANOTHER new rule-  a newly dated "undertaking" (basically a promise to submit reports until our adopted children are 16) must be in place to pass; the old form is suddenly void.
Feb 14th- I get a new form to fill in and notarize.  I call and call my lawyer. No return call. 
Feb 15th- I try my lawyer again.
Feb 16th- My dad will take the "undertaking" to my lawyer, in person. I will go to work, chew my nails, and stress.  A.LOT.

Since the referral, my weight is yo-yo-ing like crazy (I am a stress eater), the insomnia is crazy wicked (and when I do manage to sleep, the nightmares jolt me awake), my bullshit tolerance from the kids at school and basically EVERYONE else is ZERO, and my house looks like a rummage sale that got hit by a tornado. Some of that is just being too scattered and busy to properly organize and some is going through the boxes and boxes of Malia out-grows and sorting for baby sis.

I have already been told there is no possibility of a March court date, so I am holding onto hope for April.  I am believing in April. I have to. Anything else might make me step over the imaginary edge and fall into the abyss called "crazy".  I am one toe over most days, already.

Yesterday, to truly commemorate the 4 years Malia and I will mark together on March 16th, and to give us a special memory before we two, become we three, I booked 5 days at Disney World during March Break. I just said, that's it, enough talk, let's do it. And I did.   It made me feel just a tad saner to "control" a process, an outcome.  It is concrete to mark off 28 "sleeps" on a calendar and X them off one by one.

Today, I got a reminder that Malia's yearly update is due by March 9. How I will find the time and presence of mind to do this daunts me right now. But, I know I will. I have to.  And, that too is something I can control.

But, with Little Sis, nothing is for sure, nothing is "solid" except that she EXISTS and we're designated for each other.  So, I guess we wait. And we continue to pray. A. LOT.

As for Malia, she's okay. I am good at "acting" normal to keep her world relatively balanced. She is learning and growing and surprising me with her wit and intelligence, daily. She is pumped for Disney.. She is pumped for Little Sis. She prays and kisses her picture, and draws for her. Malia IS solid and real and HERE, so no matter what, I hang on.

Feb 16th- Dad took in the Undertaking and it can't be notarized as directed. Waiting on new direction from my agency and hoping this will all work out.