I am 50 years old, about to turn the dreaded 51 (dreaded b/c my 2nd referral still has not come, dreaded b/c the "1" embeds me now and forever as closer to death than to birth- and how is THAT for morbid? LOL) yet, I still wish on the things of childhood from the clock showing 11:11 to the first star of the evening.
Malia does it , too. And after watching The Princess and the Frog, we even call the star Evangeline.
A couple of nights ago, we were making wishes on Evangeline as we were driving. Malia was wishing for her "real, alive little sister" to come. So was I. In the midst of this, she asked me "how she got born in Ethiopia". I told her what i know of her life story prior to Mama coming to take her into my arms forever. It's a story she has heard many, many times.
She was quiet for a moment, and then-
Malia: Mama, when Bethlehem leaved me with G**** did she miss me?
Mama: I imagine that she did, Malia. Very much.
Malia: Did she cry?
Mama: i don't know, I wasn't there. But, you were already 2 1/2 months old, and very well taken care of, so I know she loved you, and it must've been very, very hard. So, yes, I think she must've cried.
Malia: But she was very poor?
Mama: Yes, honey, very poor, and she wanted to make sure you could always be well taken care of. That's how much she loved you.
Malia: She was my first mama? I came from her tummy?
Mama: Yes.
Malia: Mama, you know what I wish?
Mama: What? (I braced myself for rejection, or something else that might cut my heart out...)
Malia: That you were my first Mama. That I came from your tummy.
(Um... wow- didn't see that coming..)
Mama: (over the lump in my throat) I wasn't your first Mama, Mal, but I am your last b/c I promise to love you forever and ever and always, okay?
She accepted that, and we went onto other subjects. But, the talks about her early life, about Ethiopia (and when her newest passport- this one as Malia Dilana Daniel- came in, her first request was that we go to Ethiopia) about where I was when she wasn't with me etc with much more frequency these days. She's growing up, growing more aware.
And, I have another wish for Evangeline b/c of it- the grace to handle her questions, her comments, her curiousity with love, patience and the "right" words.
Amen.
2 comments:
Love these very deep, emotional, teachable moments. I think we are blessed to be a tiny part of this,no matter how our heart aches. It is so much to process and we want to protect them, cushion them and love it all away. But honest insightful answers are the best. Your conversations with your miracle girl sound....lovely. SO evident that Malia feels safe with you.Good job mama....I need another kleenex!!
She is blessed as you are. Curious, now that you are "almost" 51 what does that mean exactly for your standing. Do they let you continue as is because you were already waiting or do you now have to jump through additional hoops?
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