Colour Commentary

Well,  it finally came out of Mal's mouth- "but, Mama, I don't want to be brown, I want to be white- like you"
We were just talking about her Leap Frog Tag thingy when sooo randomly she said, "Mama? When will I be white?"

I thought I had heard wrong and asked her what she'd said, but she repeated it, clear as day.

I told her that her skin colour lightens and darkens depending on the seasons, just like mine and showed her how very brown I am right now.

She said, "But you're white, Mama".

I countered with, "but not bright white, and you are a beautiful brown" and that's when she said the line I opened this post with...

In the next second, it seemed to become a non-issue again, but hours later, it hit ME.  The difference in our skin colour may not "matter" to me, but if makes a difference-  to how some see us, to what some people say... to her sense of self/identity. 

In Ethiopia, many people commented on how light she was, called her "konjo" (beautful) and made no secret that her fairer skin tone added to that beauty. Ads for skin bleaches and lighteners, hair relaxers, etc were on HUGE billboards all over the city.  The orphanage director called me out for having Malia in the sun too much, for "turning my baby black".  In Haiti, I have time and again seen lighter skinned kids given the coveted nickname "Ti Blan" (little white one) and treated better by teachers, shop keepers even parents...
Where, when, how this reverence of light skin began, I don't know, but I do know it is pretty much everywhere, but I don't want it in my daughter's heart, affecting who she is, you know?

Malia has been aware of her skin as brown for a long time.  But, up until yesterday, it always seemed just an accepted fact. I recall the first time I realized she was wholly aware-  I announced I was finished a drawing of her, and she told me not yet, and handed me a brown crayon to colour her in. It was a matter of fact thing. 

I realize that as she grows and hears comments, regardless of how well I may handle them, that the difference in our skin colours will be cause for questions, maybe even confusion.  We live in a white neighbourhood, but out and about many people are of colour, all colours, BUT mostly they reflect the colours of their families.  There are some kids, right in her own school that have a white parent, but the other is black. 

We have books- Colours Come from God Just Like Me,  Black All Around, I Love My Hair etc, but the truth is that she NEEDS to see more families like OURS, not JUST kids like her...   

So, hell, high water, or the 401 and Toronto traffic we will be going to as many adoptive events as possible, period.  Luckily, there is one next weekend-  many families just like us, most with 2 white parents, but single moms, too.  She's been before, but I have a feeling that now, nearly 4, and more in tune with who, what, where- that she will notice. And, if there is something in her that hurts b/c Mama doesn't fully "match" her little girl in skin tone (matching is big for Mal right now, she even has a grey shoe and a pink shoe on right now b/c pink and grey are what she's wearing on top :) maybe it'll quiet when she sees it's common and lovely, even if she doesn't see it EVERY day.