The thing about having a referral is that you have a baby, but you don't have a baby. And, you don't know what to do until, as a good friend of mine likes to say, it's "for reals".
What I want to do is somehow speed up the process in every which way possible- speed the court date into happening, speed it into being successful the first time (and as I type that I think of the anguish a couple in our adoption group that just had their EIGHTH UNsucessful court date must feel...), speed the VISA into being so we can bring our little lass home. Last night, during prayers, Malia prayed for the "Doctor who would let us have her". When I questioned her, I realized she meant the judge. Where she picked up the concept, I don't know, but even she realizes her little sister is ours, yet not ours.
Coworkers and friends ask if there is "more news", my boss wants to know a timeline, if possible.. well, no, not possible. And, I just do not want to be at school a-ny-more. Today , I told the kids I wasn't going to start the GLEE II production b/c I could leave them high and dry at anytime, but it's also b/c I can't focus for more than a few minutes on anything but when we get to go to her.
I don't want to run rehearsals, I don't want to mark essays, I don't want to deal with this issue or that one for someone ELSE's kid, right now-
I want to GO.
And, if I can't yet, then I want to have fully free time to:
clean out and turn the back room into a double bedroom
turn Mal's room into an office/guest room
move the washer and dryer and laundry cupboards downstairs
sort through the many, many boxes of the clothes Malia outgrew
nest
write
PRAY
cry
dream.
We have a baby, but we don't have a baby.
And, as Pink would say, "That sucks".
8 comments:
Will you have S sleep in your room for a while? I ask because our daughter is about the same age and is no where near sleeping through the night. It might be too much to expect Mal to share sleeping space with her for a little while yet, and it might be nice for Mal to have her own space when everything is changing all around her. So many exciting things about being the mama of two little ones! I'm so happy and excited for you!
Will Malia go with you to Ethiopia?
I will likely have 2 with me in MY room, Kathryn. Malia hasn't gotten over the monsters thing, regardless of every trick and has taken over the right side of my bed for months (with a few reprieves) and baby will HAVE to be near me to start. :)
BUT, I hope that once they're used to each other and things as a whole, that they will both share the big room :)
And, oh YES- Malia will come to Ethiopia- no question!
She also says....."raise a glass", the time cannot go quick enough, especially given the wait you've already had, but plunder ahead you shall.
Malia has always been a wise soul....and we can only hope all goes well form here on. Prayer...and faith....it's like the glass 1/2 full......just need the top up, to completion and having "S" for- ever and for real!!!
Can you take an early leave?? And mathematically....will you take more than the time alotted for adoptive parental leave??
Something to ponder as well, especially if work is NOT filling the void that is there with the cont'd wait.
Amen! Thank you for putting into words everything I've been feeling too. All I want to do is think about our little Rebka and prepare for her....How is someone supposed to work and do all of those other things with the attention span of a knat? Ugh..nice to hear someone is in the same boat, even if it's a tricky boat to be in most days!
Tracey
Sorry to hear the waiting continues. I wish you and Malia all the best and hope you'll manage to get some leave to focus on Baby sister's arrival.
-Kate
Hey, it's been ages since I've read your (or anyone else's for that matter) blog, but checked in today on impulse and voila! Little Sista! (Okay, referral came nearly two weeks ago but hey, that's recent in the adoption world!)
CONGRATS!!!!!!!
You've waited a heck of a long time for it and I'm sure must have felt at times like it was never going to happen, but IT DID!!!
Yes, tons of hoops to jump through yet and who knows how long all that will take. But you have a face and a name now, not just a dream... that makes it REAL!
BTW, she may be 4.5 months now, but by the time she comes home she may well be a toddler.
Also BTW, she was born the same day as our puppies!!! Not that that has any relevance to anything, but it's a fun coincidence. (see www.dragonramdoodles.com)
Roma
I'd really like to re-post this on www.adoptionmagazine.ca. Please e-mail me at adoptionmagazine@gmail.com and let me know. Thanks!
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