What's that you say?

Those of you who know me personally, know it is a bit of a joke how often I confuse what people saying to me, how I can't usually hear you if I can't see you, how I'll often tune out of conversations b/c it just gets too hard to follow along if there is background noise, how I can't hear a kid's answer in class, but can immediately tell he's crumpled a candy wrapper.

Well, as of today, it's no longer so funny...

I don't just have "a slight hearing loss in my left ear", as I have always thought, but rather "cookie bite" hearing in both ears of the moderate/high range. That is, I hear high tones well, I hear low well, too, but basically very little, sometimes nothing, of the mid-range where the majority of sounds, including voice pitches.

As the tech was telling me this, I just stared in stunned silence. She began showing me hearing aids (since my losses are from nerve damage, not interior, so not surgically reparable-  and no I have no idea how this happened...) I was fighting the urge not to cry. Apparently, b/c of my type of losses, I need TWO hearing aids- both with voice identification features and background noise filters.  Even with gov't kick ins, what my insurance will pay, and a 'special" going on at the hearing place until April 30th, they're still nearly $4,000out of pocket!!

Part of me just wants to go on as I have been-  I mean, I hear Malia just fine... (or do I?  )  The thought of hearing aids, no matter how invisible (and these truly are) just makes me feel so very, very old (and please, I do not mean to insult anyone who has them- but, I just never thought it'd be me).  Vanity, pure and simple, but REAL in how upsetting it is for me. And, truth is, I also wonder with the new rule that 2 trips (or one uber long one) are needed for Ethiopia, I wonder how I can afford this.

Then another part of me is wondering what I have been missing in the world, if my life will be easier. 

There is a 5 day total money back guarantee, I guess.  I just have to psych myself to actually say, "yes, I am doing this."

For the record, I am very grateful for my hearing at whatever level I have right now. I can hear
my baby cry/laugh/talk/giggle/sing
harmonies when I sing
the phone ring
my dog sigh/snore/bark
people speaking directly to me
birds
rain
and so much more. 
My world is not silent, thank God. But, according to the test results, it is muffled, even muted, sometimes.

I guess I have to decide if I want to find out just how much I have been missing.