My Daughter's Heart

There are some old wounds involving this season that make the time from Christmas Eve through New Year's Day very, very hard for me, and for my family. I have always been the peace maker, the one to bring everyone together (or exhaust myself trying) and when each year it's a fresh battle to try and get people to just forget the past (or at least let it fade), but they insist on picking the proverbial scabs off and starting new bleeds, I get very discouraged and very, very tired and sad.

Today, while driving my car back to the dealership at lease's end, I heard from an aunt, just newly arrived home from Portugal that, once again, there would be no big family dinner b/c he said, she said, they said, he did, she did....

It was 13 years ago! I had so hoped that Malia in our lives would unite everyone once and for all on holidays (I mean everyone is fine the rest of the year!) if only for her sake, but what my brother's wife wrought and then left to fester, has not eaten itself out, at least not with the older adults.

So, anyway... I started crying while talking to my aunt (the minute I said, "But, I thought we could finally have a real Christmas") and was still crying when I hung up a couple of minutes later.

Then I hear a very concerned little voice from the back seat:

Mal: Mama? Wha's dat? Wha's a matter?

Me: (trying to reign in my tears) It's okay, baby. Mama's okay.

Mal: I' hur's you, Mama? Where i' hur's you, Mama?

Me: (truthfully, but as lightly as I could) My heart, baby. Mama has a doi-doi (boo-boo) on her heart, but I will be okay.

Mal: Oh, okay. (then after a pause) Mama, doi-doi hur's you?

Me: Yes, but it feels much better already. You are making it all better. You make everything better.

Mal: Yes, better. I kiss it?

Me: (blowing her a kiss) Thank you, baby and here's kisses for you, too.

Mal: (blowing kisses back) All better, now, Mama? All better? Ma'ia kiss it.

Then about 2 hours later, I was lying down with her for her nap. I thought she was asleep, and when the grief of the morning's convo washed over me again, a little sob escaped me.

Mal: (reaching to touch my face) Mama? Crying? I's okay, Mama. I's okay. Doi-doi hur's you?

Mama: Sorry, honey, Go to sleep.

Mal: (patting me) I's okay, Mama. (said about 5 times, and then-) I kiss your heart. (and she does)

***
I have no idea where this kind of empathy comes from in such a young person. But, I am blessed, and I thank God. I hope she never loses it, or becomes afraid to show it to people.