When I started the process for Little Sista, I was not emotionally ready. I was doing it, at that time, b/c my dossier had to be Ethiopia before I turned 50 (Oct 2009). I was doing it to ensure my Mala-babe would have a sibling. And so, I did it with the thought- I hope this takes a long time. I wanted to have time to adjust to the idea to be "ready".
Well, "long time" to me meant maybe 6 months to referral, tops. Didn't happen. But, I was okay, thinking okay, it might be another couple of months. Well, we're coming up on 8, still nothing. I broke down and emailed my CW. I told her to give me the straight goods. She said that wasn't as easy to do as it seems, but that to get a perspective on it, I should know that people getting referrals NOW, in March of 2009 were people who had their dossiers in Ethiopia in April of 2008... 11 months. THEN, I heard from other adoptive parents with my agency that they know of people (with the same age/gender as I have requested) that their dossiers have been there since March of '08 and still nothing.
I know adoption is trying, I know it is a waiting game, I know it is worth it. I believe all those things. However, I believe them as a 49 year old woman. Somehow it is so, so different than when I believed them as a 46 year old. Time has just taken on a different "feel".
So, the reality is that referral will likely come in July, or August and if that was the end of the "wait" then awesome, but truth is that our new little lady will spend 3, maybe 4 months or even more in institutional care before all the bureaucratic red tape is officially unravelled to allow her to come HOME. One couple on our Yahoo board recently posted that they have just been told (they're just starting the wait) to budget TWO YEARS from start to finish. OMG! I can barely get my head around that- court hearings (please God let us get it on the 1st attempt), medical papers, citizenship... all of it taking time away from "us", the family of three we now long to be. Yes, even Mal b/c as I watch her with other children I so know she is ready, too. She needs a sibling to paint with, run with, slide with, makes puzzles with, watch Dora with, chatter up a storm with, child to child., even if she does all those things with Mama, now.
And, all the amazing "firsts" I had with Mal- sitting up, rolling over, tooth, word, pulling up, walking etc... we'll miss that with each other, I fear. I just have to hope that she is sooo loved wherever she will be- being held, being fed well, kept clean and fresh, and that she is laughing. Nothing is better than that sound from a child.
At night, I get really scared sometimes. I read, daily, of parents with 3 and now 4 (huh?) unsuccessful court dates. My dream is to have Little Sis in our arms for Big Sis' 3rd birthday on November 10th.
Please God... please make it happen. Amen.
15 comments:
I hope this for you too. Boy have things changed.
Beautiful blog. I hope your wait isn't as long as you expect.
I know it is a struggle but I honestly believe that it will happen when its suppose to and the time is right. Looking back with all the obstacles you had to overcome before Malia and seeing her grow up with you today would you have had it any other way knowing what you know now and how much love you have for her. The child that is meant for you and Malia will come into your life just as they were meant to. Can you imagine someone besides your Malia being your child at this point. (I don't mean to disrespect Kaia memory at all and I know you still grieve for the daughter you lost)
I seems waits just keep getting longer. I hope your referal comes soon and your family is complete.
I'm sorry it's so unexpectedly long. I pray that Little Sista's referral comes soon.
Definitely in my thoughts and prayers. You deserve this so much.
Know that many are keeping you in thoughts and prayers and you wait for your second daughter. Barb xo
*hugs* I know the wait has got to be devestating and I truely wish that you will not have to wait much longer! Hang in there L!
I am hoping and praying for both you and Mal that you get that baby very soon. Hang in there.
Sidebar - I love Ellen!!
I will keep you, Malia, and baby sista in my thoughts and prayers. It's amazing to me that each family seems to end up with the child so perfect for them. I bet it will happen to you (again!).
I could have written these words. I think I did write them or something very similar. I am so, so sorry you are staring down getting trapped in court closure. My fingers and toes are crossed that you follow our lead and just barely squeak through in time.
You are all ready. It is time.
Things have changed so so much!! And I think that is likely going to make the wait even harder on you (and the rest of the first families that are adopting again).
I know people say it all the time but it is so true that the reason for the wait is because your second daughter is just not ready yet. I look back at all the roads that I travelled to get to Gabbi and I cannot imagine it going any other way.
It is amazing how far you have come since starting this second journey. I hope and pray things get easier re Ethiopia and court and things stay open for singles!
I'll keep praying that Malia's little sister will be known and loved by you soon!
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