So Worth the Wait

I have always wanted children for myself. It was a need that began growing in me at a very early age.

However, as I got older, and then a lot older and the dream had not yet been realized, I also began wanting them for my parents.

My Dad has always loved kids. He was a second (and sometimes first to those without) dad to my friends in highschool, and neighbourhood grandpa to everyone from tots to teens.

My mom had no problem setting the extra place at the table, or having kids stay over.

But, soon I began to understand that these surrogate grandkids weren't THEIR grandkids.

I knew my own sadness- I mean there was a time in my 30's that i couldn't attend church b/c seeing all those little ones broke me so deeply that it hurt too much to stay through a mass. Soooo many times I avoided baby showers, wedding showers b/c I felt like the odd one out, "off" and hurt. I don;t say jealous b/c my feelings were more personal, deeper. It was a longing for my own, not for what another had.

But, my parents were feeling it too.

When I stopped focussing on how wounded I was, and took a moment to see beyond myself- I saw that, yes, I was different in my childlessness, but so were my parents. ALL their friends had multiple grandkids- some didn't even appreciate the gift- and my parents had no one.

My brother and his wife had been told they'd never have kids.

I was aging well past "child bearing years", but still managed to get pregnant. Chemical.

The second time around, ectopic.

I hadn't told my parents I was even pregnant until the day I was diagnosed... I remember my Dad so upset, wondering why if they can transplant all manners of organs and tissue, they couldn't move my baby to where she'd thrive, and LIVE.

I watched them age faster as my doors closed further with a BFN on my IVF.

That was an Easter Sunday. On the drive home they both pushed for adoption, something I never thought they'd be okay with in the fullest sense.

They rode that rollercoaster too- dashed hopes in the DR, a hard slap in the face by a fake birthmom, anticipation, then devastation with sweet Kaia (who looked just like my dad) and then the new hope in Malia.

Fast forward to May 21st 2007. They held her at 8am, for the very first time, and though they part for hours at a time, she is the joy, the fun, the raison d'etre of their lives.

They have been blessed with a bio grandaughter, too- my brother's lovely R, after 14 years of infertility, and they love her to pieces, too- but she's in NJ, and Mal is here and they are here, and they must be together for then all is right with the world.

March 19th is Forever Family Day for us. ALL of us.