I have been bitten by a flu bug the size of a small elephant. I woke up yesterday feeling a little "off" and by 4th period (1 o'clock) the aches, pains, lethargy had hold of me, good and tight. I barely had the energy to put one foot in front of the other to visit the washroom, much less pick up/care for my baby girl. My parents took Malía, overnight, and, even though I am still pretty weak/sore/nauseous are bringing her back in a few minutes b/c I can't stand to have her away from me another minute (and it doesn't help that her first words to me in a number of phone conversations today were, "I want Mama. I want home")
But, being sidelined by illness has really got me thinking about the realities of single parenthood. We are blessed that Vó-Vó and Vô-Vô can and will step in whenever needed, but there's a lot to consider in being the sole parent.
A few weeks ago, a blog friend and I were talking about this very thing. A single mom she knew of had, had an accident and passed away in the home. I had almost fallen into my basement a few days before that. It got me thinking about Malía and would people be alerted quickly enough if something were to happen.
Aside from the fact that Mal spends most of my working time with my parents, my mom calls here everyday, but if she doesn't immediately get someone on the phone, she might only try hours later, or the next day. Would Malía be okay? Would she somehow try to get help by pounding on the bay window or the door? I made a decision that day that very soon she needs to learn to dial 911 and how important it is not to do it unless it's truly an emergency.
A few years ago in Portugal, a mother (term used loosely) went off with her boyfriend to Germany for 2 weeks leaving her toddler (not yet 2, I think) alone in an apartment, in Lisbon, the whole time. When they found the little girl, dead, almost 14 days later, she was collapsed near the toilet. It was obvious she had survived a number of days on ketchup from a bottle left in the kitchen and water from the toilet. My poor angel...
But, what a survival instict the baby had.
Would Malia be able to sustain herself until someone broke down the door??
Maybe it's silly but I now keep apples, raisins, snacks on a cart in the kitchen, easily within Mal's reach.
But, being sidelined by illness has really got me thinking about the realities of single parenthood. We are blessed that Vó-Vó and Vô-Vô can and will step in whenever needed, but there's a lot to consider in being the sole parent.
A few weeks ago, a blog friend and I were talking about this very thing. A single mom she knew of had, had an accident and passed away in the home. I had almost fallen into my basement a few days before that. It got me thinking about Malía and would people be alerted quickly enough if something were to happen.
Aside from the fact that Mal spends most of my working time with my parents, my mom calls here everyday, but if she doesn't immediately get someone on the phone, she might only try hours later, or the next day. Would Malía be okay? Would she somehow try to get help by pounding on the bay window or the door? I made a decision that day that very soon she needs to learn to dial 911 and how important it is not to do it unless it's truly an emergency.
A few years ago in Portugal, a mother (term used loosely) went off with her boyfriend to Germany for 2 weeks leaving her toddler (not yet 2, I think) alone in an apartment, in Lisbon, the whole time. When they found the little girl, dead, almost 14 days later, she was collapsed near the toilet. It was obvious she had survived a number of days on ketchup from a bottle left in the kitchen and water from the toilet. My poor angel...
But, what a survival instict the baby had.
Would Malia be able to sustain herself until someone broke down the door??
Maybe it's silly but I now keep apples, raisins, snacks on a cart in the kitchen, easily within Mal's reach.
As a single mom I have these thoughts. I wish I did not.
17 comments:
I have often thought of this very thing. My parents live nearby and call most days but if they don't reach me they just leave a message so who knows how long it would be until somebody came to help. It is one of the realities of single parenthood that we must face. Also, being sick and having to care for a little one is so hard. You want them around but you don't because you don't want them to get ill and they seem to be particualary needy when you don't have the strength to offer much. Hope you are feeling better real soon.
I take my hat off to you single mamas. You amaze me. There are days that I am so tired that I can't wait for Dave to get home so that I can take a break!
Hey, good job with the 6.2!! Woohoo!! Sorry about the toots. My MIL was on that no carb diet a couple years back....she acutally set off the carbon monoxide detector. Uh, yeah....she's laid off that diet a bit. :)
Hope you feel better!
I've always said that after adopting Zia, I have a new found respect for single parents (not that I didn't before, but now knowing how much work these little munchkins are, I have a much greater respect for those who can manage parenting on their own)!!
And although these realities are scary for single parents, its good that you've thought about them and are preparing in case of an emergency. One good thing too is that you have a dog. I know it sounds totally wacky, but I think you'd be surprised at how the dog might step in if something were to happen to you. Hopefully he'd assist in alerting help too.
Good thinking and preparing Mama!
--Danielle
Hey, I know your fear. It's one I have put a lot of thought into as well.
I love that pic on your header right now. You can tell Malia and the dog are just best buddies.
I am not a single mama, but my husband is often out of town for days/week/even months at a time and I have certainly had these same concerns. I suffer from severe migraines and I often used to feel that maybe I was actaully having a stroke, and if I did, what would my daughter to. We don't have many people checking up on us and I often don't answer the phone and everyone who knows me, knows that.
Sometimes I got fairly paniced about it, and that lasted until my daughter was old enough that I felt comfortable she could seek help from a neighbour. I did teach her to call 911 when she was about 3 and posted a big sign with "9-1-1" above the phone on my nighttable. She, of course, called it and the police showed up and she screamed because she thought she was in trouble which prompted the police to come and search my house...
It a reasonable fear, but I would take comfort in the fact that your parents check in. Plus, Malia is a smartie!!
My hats off to you- I wish I was close and could help- but I understand the reality of thinking and planning for things.
Hope you are better and stronger soon and that Malia understand that this is not the week to be too needy.
Scary!!!! It's good that you thinking of this and making a plan. Good for you!!!
As an elementary teacher we use scholastic book orders and in their catalog they have a 'practise phone for calling 911' I think it will actually respond and the kids can practise saying something after they dial...I was thinking of getting it for Adea..after reading your post maybe I'll get it sooner or later. We live in the country so its more difficult to get help.
Hope you are feeling better.
oops meant to say sooner THAN later
Yeah, that is scary to think about! The Portugal "lady" also used loosely, story broke my heart. That is the kind of thing that I can't get out of my head.
You could always get an "I've fallen and I can't get up" Life alert thing!
you have inspired a blog post in me.
I am wishing you wellness and faith....you're daughter is wrapped in love and tenderness. She will not follow the fate of your nightmares. Allow them to fuel you to be safe and take care of what you feel inspired to~ a mothers intuition is a powerful tool. But then, my dear, let them go to that place where all mothers fears go and set your gaze to the light of your sweet Malia's eyes.
Lordy--that made me cry! I am the definition of "blessed" single mama with my mother living with us. She is aging tho' and so the thoughts enter that she in fact could collapse in Olivia's presence.911 is the way to go for training and I started early on. Olivia now repeats the whole, when and why verbatum and has an understanding of it. God forbid Malia EVER have to call for help, but she is a bright wee thing and will learn if you teach her. Hats off to you L. Hope you are feeling better!!
Yuck, a scary thought to have to consider. I was something I worried about a bit when Jonah was younger, but now, I am sure he could survive until the food ran out! He's three, and by this time last year (almost 3) he could push a chair to the counter, and get in higher cupboards than I could. It won't be too long until your Malia can do the same. But definitely good to be prepared!
Hi,
It's Leah from the Hope yahoo group. I just watched your adoption video...so great.
She was and still is so cute!
Leah
Last fall, when Laolao and Laoye were here, Button came home from school one day and rushed into the house sying "I need to pee!" Laolao said "Oh, is it an emergency?" "Yes!" says Button, "Don't call 9-1-1!"
Turns out they'd been talking about calling 911 at kindergarten (when, what for, how, etc) just that day...
One of the nice things about the kids getting older is that you know they have more skills and abilities that would help them out. At 8 and 5, Mustang and Button could live for some time on the food in the house if necessary, but before that would be necessary, they have practiced looking in our church directory and finding friends' names and calling friends. Or they might just go to a neighbour's across the street and ask for help.
Of course, we have a nanny, too, who's almost always around. But even if she weren't here, the kids would figure something out. Not that it wouldn't be scary, but at least I know they wouldn't die before help came.
i hope you feel better asap!
Okay that portugal story brought tears to my eyes. How horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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